What Is Snowplow Parenting?
A parenting style known as snowplow parenting has gained attention in recent years. It describes parents who clear away obstacles from their children’s path, much like a snowplow clears a road. Licensed psychologist Nicole Beurkens, Ph.D., CNS, says the idea is that parents feel it is their job to make sure children do not experience obstacles, unhappiness, or negative emotions. “It’s tangible about parents removing any negative experience, but what we’re really dealing with is parents having a hard time seeing their kid experience uncomfortable or unpleasant feelings,” she explains.
Sarah Cohen, M.D., a child, adolescent, and family psychiatrist at Westmed Medical Group, notes that this behavior is deeply instinctual. “It’s a natural instinct for parents to help and try to ‘fix’ things for our kids. For the first year at least, they need us for every moment of their day, so it takes effort to adjust that as kids grow. And it hurts to watch them struggle, so we are inclined to take over,” she says. Cohen adds that it is often easier to do things for children, especially when parents are stressed or busy. Many experts view snowplow parenting as a version of helicopter parenting, though it is more common among affluent families who have the means, time, and connections to intervene.
Signs of Snowplow Parenting
Recognizing snowplow parenting can be tricky. Beurkens says it often appears in school settings. “Oh, I’m going to go talk to the principal or I’ll figure out why you got this grade,” she says, describing typical parent comments. Another sign is parents volunteering at school under the pretense of helping teachers, but with the real goal of being present to step in and solve problems. The behavior also shows up in peer relationships, where parents become overly involved in their children’s friendships, even comforting each other about their kids’ behavior.
Effects on Children
Children need to face challenges to grow into responsible adults. Snowplow parenting limits those opportunities. Beurkens warns of several repercussions: children do not learn how to solve their own problems, do not tolerate negative feelings, and fail to develop resilience. “Ultimately, they do not grow to see themselves as capable and competent,” she says. The effects can include performance anxiety, pressure to achieve, guilt, taking failures personally, increased frustration or anger, and reduced problem-solving skills.
How Parents Can Do Better
Allowing children to fail is a key step away from snowplow parenting. Beurkens says that when parents step in, they send a message that children are incompetent – even if that is not the intention. “No good parent would look at their kid and say, ‘You’re incompetent,’ but that is the message that’s sent and internalized when you step in,” she explains. The solution requires parents to handle their own discomfort. Watching a child struggle is hard, but Beurkens stresses that letting children deal with things on their own is not neglectful. “You are not a bad parent, and, in fact, you are helping your kid by letting them deal with it,” she says.
When to Step In
This does not mean parents should never help. The goal is to support children while letting them take the lead. Beurkens suggests saying, “I understand you are going through a really tough thing, and I get it, it must feel bad, but I know you are going to be able to handle it.” She recommends stepping in only after a child has tried to resolve a problem and still cannot improve the situation. Bullying is an example where parental intervention may eventually be necessary. Cohen adds that it is important to teach children to ask for help. “This means setting the tone that although you expect them to try things themselves first, you will always be close by and readily available to help as needed,” she says.
The Takeaway
Snowplow parenting comes from good intentions – parents want to protect their children from hardship. But experts repeatedly remind parents that children need to fail and learn how to deal with their failures to develop into capable adults. No single parenting style is perfect, but recognizing behaviors that limit a child’s growth is important. Snowplow parenting, like other trends, can have unintended consequences if parents take the front seat and push all difficulties out of the way.
